If you were moving to France, you’d probably take a course in French. At the least, you’d pick up a pocket translation dictionary. After all, building a meaningful relationship with people is difficult when you don’t speak the same language.

Well, having young children is like living in a foreign land. You have to learn a new language, "Childspeak," in order to communicate.

Childspeak Dictionary

Crying and fussing.
Translation: “I’m hungry, wet, tired, bored, hurt, need a change of scenery or a hug.”
Response: Ask yourself, “Is it time to eat? Sleep? Change activities? Does something hurt?" If your child doesn’t seem hungry, tired, feverish, or wet, try to calm her with things like singing, walking, rocking, or holding her close.

Crying accompanied by turning head away.
Translation: Babies and older children use this to say, “I’m tired of this activity. It’s too much.”
Response: Take your child away from the situation or stop what you are doing. Rest or move on to something else.

Widening eyes, happy sounds, smiles, hand claps, pointing, bouncing, or jumping.
Translation: It means, “I’m interested. This looks fun. Let’s keep doing it.”
Response: Let your child lead. Does your child seem excited by a toy? Join in the play and help her explore.

Endless crying, screaming, or throwing self on ground (a.k.a.: temper tantrum). Common to children ages 18 months to three years.
Translation: “I’m too upset, tired, or wired to keep it together. I can’t handle what’s going on. I don’t have the words to tell you.”
Response: Stay calm. Make sure your child is safe. Take him away from the situation if you can. Help older toddlers calm down and express their feelings with words.

(Note: Responses are only suggested. As long as you are loving and attentive, you can respond to Childspeak with whatever methods work best for you and your child.)

Luckily, Childspeak is easier than French (and there’s no accent). While you may not be able to read all of your child’s cues all of the time, if you simply pay close attention to her with your eyes, ears, and instincts, you’ll soon be able to connect with your child and instill in her a sense of trust in her world.

Special thanks to Peter Mangione, PhD, Ross Thompson, PhD, Marc Bornstein, PhD, and Nina Sazer O’Donnell for the generous donation of their valuable time and expertise in reviewing this edition of Bits of Understanding.

Civitas thanks Parents as Teachers, an international early childhood parent education and family support program, for their ongoing support. This Civitas tool was adapted for the Born Learning campaign.

© 2006 Civitas